Parents Allowing Teenagers to Handle Their Own Problems

Parents should ask themselves four questions when deciding if and when to get involved with the goings-on of their teenager. Psychologist Dr. Thomas W. Phelan suggests that a way to answer the parenting questions,“When do I need to get involved and when do I need to let go?” is for parents and caregivers to consider the following.

How serious is the problem? Some problems are minor but aggravating, and lots of annoying behavior from a teenager is normal. Parents can be in a better position to choose to ignore the situation or perhaps modify the intensity of their response. If a problem seems serious or dangerous, immediate parental intervention may be necessary.

What kind of teenager is this? By understanding a teenager’s temperament and personality, parents and caregivers can better assess how serious a problem may be for that teen. For example, a naturally slow-to-warm, cautious teen who suddenly is taking lots of risks may need a parent to step in.

What kind of relationship do I have with my teenager? When parents and caregivers are fairly confident that their relationship with their teen is authentic and healthy, they can expect that their teen will rely on them if a problem arises. If for some reason, the relationship between parent and teen has been strained or damaged, a parent may need to be more vigilant in watching for serious or dangerous behaviors.

What shape am I in? How stressed am I? When parents and caregivers of teens feel constantly stressed, overwhelmed, disengaged or distracted, they are less likely to understand their teenager. If they have unmet needs, parents and caregivers will find it difficult to have the patience and focus to effectively relate with their teen.

Knowing when to get involved and when to let go will help parents and caregivers provide their teenagers with the self esteem and relationship building that will help them endure the challenges of being a teenager.

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