Parenting Styles and Effective Parenting

Parenting Styles and Effective Parenting

© 2008 Marty Wolner, BA, CPE, ICF, PACA

Awareness of different parenting styles can help parents better understand the impact this may have on child development. Healthy communication, effective discipline (limit setting, rules, consequences), self-esteem building and so much more of parenting are all affected by parenting styles.

A parenting style results from a confluence of a parent’s temperament, self esteem and learned behavior from family history (parents, grandparents, other family).

In 1966, Research Psychologist Diana Baumrind published her “Prototypical Descriptions of Three Parenting Styles.” These parenting styles have been studied and reconfirmed numerous times by subsequent research.

The authoritarian parent attempts to shape, control, and evaluate the behavior and attitudes of the child in accordance with a set standard of conduct, usually an absolute standard, The authoritarian parent values obedience as a virtue and favors punitive, forceful measures to curb self-will at points where the child’s actions or beliefs conflict with what the parent thinks is right conduct. This parent believes in keeping the child in his place, in restricting autonomy, and does not encourage verbal give and take, believing that the child should accept the parent’s word for what is right.

The impact authoritarian parenting may have on a child includes, anxious, withdrawn, and unhappy disposition, poor reactions to frustration (girls are particularly likely to give up and boys become especially hostile), do well in school (studies may show authoritative parenting is comparable), not likely to engage in antisocial activities (exp: drug and alcohol abuse, vandalism, gangs.

The permissive parent attempts to behave in a nonpunitive, acceptant and affirmative manner towards the child’s impulses, desires, and actions. The permissive parent consults with the child about policy decisions and gives explanations for family rules, and makes few demands for household responsibility and orderly behavior. This parent allows the child to regulate his or her own activities as much as possible, avoiding the exercise of control, and does not encourage following externally defined standards.

The impact permissive parenting may have on a child includes poor emotion regulation (under regulated), rebellious and defiant when desires are challenged, low persistence to challenging tasks, antisocial behaviors.

The authoritative parent attempts to direct the child’s activities but in a rational, issue-oriented manner. The authroitative parent encourages verbal give and take, shares with the child the reasoning behind rules and policy, and solicits feedback.  Both autonomous self-will and disciplined conformity are valued. This parent exerts firm control at points of parent-child divergence, but does not hem the child in with restrictions. This parent enforces his or her own perspective as an adult, but recognizes the child’s individual interests and special ways. The authoritative parent affirms the child’s present qualities, but also sets standards for future conduct.

The impact authoritative parenting may have on a child includes a lively and happy disposition, self-confident about ability to master tasks, well developed emotion regulation, developed social skills, less rigid about gender-typed traits (exp: sensitivity in boys and independence in girls).

Different parenting styles may emerge at different times when interacting with different children, and at times parenting styles may be affected by another parent’s style. For instance one parent may feel the need to be more permissive toward a child, in reaction to another parent’s authoritarian response.

Understanding parenting styles can be very helpful in the many situations we face as parents. Whether it’s setting limits or healthy consequences, teaching a child responsibility and accountability, navigating a bullying or mean girls situation, active listening during high emotional exchanges, handling sibling rivalry issues, dealing with teenagers, understanding the impact of parenting styles can help parents be more effective.

What’s your parenting style and how can understanding that help you?

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